Conversation guide for Veteran Families

This resource is part of a suite of Military and RCMP Veteran and Family suicide prevention resources, done in collaboration with Atlas Institute for Veterans and Families. It’s also available as a wallet card in English and in French.
Other resources:

• Military and RCMP Veterans and suicide prevention: A toolkit
• Looking after yourself and others: A resource for Veteran Families

Cliquez ici pour la version française

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Veterans have a higher suicide rate than civilians. Veteran Family members may also be at risk of suicide.

Worried about someone? Here’s what you can do.

1. Pay attention

Any noticeable change in behaviour is a sign someone might not be doing well. These changes could include:

• Saying that their life sucks, they’re a burden or have no purpose
• Appearing distant or more tired than usual
• Using more alcohol, cannabis or other substances than usual
• Being more sad, anxious, irritable or reckless

2. Know your role

• You’re a friend, Family member, or acquaintance – not a counsellor. You’re not there to solve their problems or to rescue them. You are there to listen and to encourage hope and support seeking.
• There are different approaches you can take (connector, supporter or caregiver), depending on your capacity. For more information, check out our toolkits for Veterans and Veteran Families.

3. Start a conversation

A conversation like this needs time and attention, so choose a quiet, comfortable spot where you can have privacy.

• While driving in the car or on a walk
• At a favourite hangout (e.g., park, coffee shop)
• While doing an activity together (e.g., gardening, shooting hoops, camping)
• On the phone or in a private message

Mention the changes you’ve noticed but don’t blame or shame them.

• “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. Is everything okay?”
• “I noticed you’ve been giving away a lot of your stuff. Are you okay?”
• “I haven’t seen you around much these days. Is everything alright?”

Be prepared for a range of responses.

• Some people may get defensive, shut down, brush off your concerns, or say they don’t want to talk, while others may open up more easily.
• The conversation may become very serious or intense, so it’s important to think through ways to keep the conversation safe for everyone.

4. Keep it going

Ask questions and listen to what they’re saying.

• Avoid instantly problem-solving: “The other day you said you feel like a burden to your Family… what do you mean by that?”
• Back them up and acknowledge their feelings: “That sounds really difficult.”
• Don’t make it seem like they’re overreacting, and don’t change the subject.
• Be direct in your language. If you’re still worried about them, ask: “Are you thinking about suicide?” If they say yes, don’t panic.
• Let them know you’re there for them. “Thanks for telling me. That can be really hard to do. I’m here if you want to talk more.”
• Don’t force a conversation if they’re not ready: “I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.”

5. Stick to your role

Do your best to encourage hope and support seeking.

• Ask if they have others they can reach out to for support and ensure they contact those supports.
• Call the Suicide Crisis Helpline together at 988 or Veterans Affairs Canada crisis line at 1-800-268-7708.
• If they have immediate plans to die, contact 911 and ensure they’re not left alone.

6. Look after yourself, too

Your own wellbeing is a priority.

• Acknowledge that whatever range of emotions you may be feeling is completely normal.
• Do something you enjoy after your conversation.

Disclaimer: Views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Atlas Institute for Veterans and Families and may not reflect the views and opinions of the Government of Canada.