Year: 2006 Source: Qualitative Inquiry, v.12, no.6, (December 2006), p.1154-1159 SIEC No: 20070773

The following autoethnography reveals the author’s personal struggle when informed about a suicide. The resulting emotional turmoil causes her to shift forward, backward, and sideways through memories of death during a summer beach outing with her daughter. The narrative demonstrates how she copes with her inner anguish while striving to preserve a happy union. She reveals the painful irony of living simultaneously in a culture of happiness and culture of grief. In doing so, her narrative implicates the stories that encourage parents to suppress emotions from their children. In the end, autoethnography becomes an epiphany that heals her from the tragedy as she gains a deeper understanding about the personal and cultural influences shaping her desire for pedagogical thoughtfulness.